it was all started by my last morning thoughts. immortality, peace, love, people, hurricane, .... things. and i've been wondering, with so many things we're all surrounded by, why would us, humans lost in thoughts that in the end, it is love, and only love, could heal our brokeness. and you see, all these things were.... attached. the immortality theory and or the peace theory... the one started with love. us, humans, have been loving something or might be someone so hard, so long, that we wish it could be immortal. and the other one, we were all started just mess, we were all broken pieces, but in the end, we thought that, "hey, it would be amazing if we just hug each other, kiss each other, helping each one of us each other, and it called peace you know. let the love grows, and peace will take over". and that is, my friend, how all of the hippies' life stands for. love. strange, i know. well the problem is i don't even know how the real love actually....is? there are so many words available yet not too many when the word "love" crossed my mind. but it is a far way different case when someone asked me, "what do you love?". Like, i love the smells of new books; the satisfied feeling when i bought something that i've wanted so bad, and with my own sacrifices; the sound of rain, and the smell of rain. when i see rain, when i feel rain, the picture of my dad crossed my mind. "it's raining" "yeah" "i like it, you know." "me too, though." and i love it even more. ; the sounds of my favorite songs when it was gloomy. God, it was heavenly. ; the nights when i just brought my freshly-bought things. shoes, books, cd's. and i just lay there in my bed. thinking if life's like this all the time.. life is nice, life is good. but then i met you and i think i can mention another things that i love. you. the way you made jokes. the way you laughed on your jokes. the way you played your hair. the way you read. the way you speak. the way you sing. you. but that was not all. the way you tell your jokes to me, and constantly laugh about it. or and the way you played your hair and smiled and asked "does it looks nice?" or the way you read my favorite book's synopsis, saying it out loud, and then asked, "what the hell does 'abundance' means?" or the way that you sang our favorite all time low's song, with your deep voice, and with your silence eyes..

but it was clearly not when you suddenly left me. just. like. that.

and i love hated you for that.

maybe we could give it another shot, give US another shot, or maybe, we could give nothing at all. no-thing. there were no, not even one thing, given. and i think we're alright with that.

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// 2015 \\

it isn't until i stare into the mirror that i realize I am Moon: a pale face riddled with holes.

Then I begin thumbing through my astronomy book to see what planet you are.

The day after you're engrossed in a book, you always have dark rings under your eyes; Oh, are you Neptune?

Or the fact that, every day you're surrounded by so many friends; oh are you Jupiter?

Tonight i realize that you are Earth all along.

I illuminate your nights when you have no one to talk to and my life revolves around you.

Everything is great until I realize that your life revolves around someone else's.

_ @nyankent